Tonight's Mind
by XxBlackbirdxX
Summary: The mind and the body might not always be on the same time zone. His body needed rest, his mind didn't. Memories tend to resurface at the worse times, no? OneShot DOMA


**Tonight's Mind**

He wasn't going to get any sleep and he knew it. The insistent ticking of the digital clock that was normally silent seemed as loud as the noisy bustling of crows in the city during the hours of daylight. Had he not known that digital clocks made no sound, he could have sown the sounds of ticking emitted from the clock. The green translucent digits on the clock read 3:56. The sun had set hours ago, and darkness had taken over since then. The silent night was devoid of all stars. The only celestial body occupying the vast sky was the full silver moon. The unearthly light that radiated from the celestial figure reached out upon the earth, lighting up dark paths, bathing the golden sand with heavenly light and lastly, illuminating the water with a silver shadow. The soft radiant light touched upon ever corner of the dark Earth it could reach.

He sat up, fully conscious-, sleep had not been easy and the constant uneasiness sleep brought him kept his mind awake. If anything, he wished that whatever in this mind that was causing this unusual sleeping pattern would resolve soon. His body was tired from the lack of sleep and though his mind was far from the same weariness. The past few days were a set of strange happenings for him. It was like he had suddenly became a virgin visitor to the planet called Earth, so unused to his newfound freedom and life.

It was understandable as to why he is feeling that way.

He remembered back to the time when he was without parents or anyone. He told himself that he didn't need anyone at all. But that life that he lives, that life he had for so long, in that life, he was no one. He drifted upon this planet without a trace of having a purpose of existence. He was part of the illusions of light and shadows, and yet he was not. That life made him feel lonely and insecure. He felt misunderstood and there was no one in the goddamn world that understood or tried to understand him. No one.

Or at least, that was what he thought.

He was tired. His body was. His mind wasn't. That didn't make sense at all. But then again, when had he ever stated out broadly that life ever did. If he wanted to now, he was going to let out a low chuckle at his musings. But he didn't. That was life. Fate and destiny was just what begins your life for you and everything else after is your decision.

Ironically enough though, everything in his past life had been shaped for him. Nearly none of the decisions he had chosen to make. Did he choose to be in jail for a crime he hasn't committed? Did he choose to be without parents and without a single person who gave a damn about him in this world of problems? Perhaps the most important question of all-, did he even choose to be even brought to this world in the first place? And he's living his life that he never questioned, but at the same time, never wanted or asked for.

Such a cruel world we live in, he thought idly with a sardonic state of mind as his eyes half-closed. There are those who managed to escape the cruel reality of our crowded world of problems and they managed to be blinded to all of this and live a fine life. There are those who are unlucky enough to accidentally drink upon the bitter taste of reality. Such a cruel world, he concluded with a thin-lined smile that was not meant to be for anyone, but to his own knowing.

He slowly peeled off the thin white sheet that draped over the lower torso of his body throughout the whole time. If he wasn't going to get any sleep, he accepted it. But he wasn't just going to sit there, or try to go back to sleep and all the result there would be is the futile attempts such as tossing and turning all night. He was fully dressed, enhancing the further reasoning he should not be sleeping, but outside doing something.

Perhaps a long walk on the beach, he mused as he slipped on into his shoes. Strange, I could not remember why I was sleeping earlier on, or why I'm fully dressed. I could remember the past so long ago like a well-played movie that was made in the theaters and I managed to hang onto every word like it was my life. But now, what happened a few hours ago, I could not recall upon.

His footsteps echoed in a hollow rhythm against the wooden floor of the large beach house. Really, it's a fine house and it gave a fine view to the ocean that surrounded it. But what bothered him slightly was the fact that this beach house was part of the past he wanted to forget-, badly. There were many things he wanted to forget, but just wishing for them to go away wouldn't help the slightest bit. What's more, it only triggered him to remember his past more constantly. Perhaps part of the unusual sleeping pattern was caused by the occasional nightmares that occur to him whenever his mind is on the topic of his past.

He left the front door to the enormous beach house unlocked. What did he possess that was of any value to anyone? There wasn't anyone who lived particularly close to the wooden beach house anyways. He slowly descended the stairs at the front porch in a steady pace, the wood echoing his footsteps in sounds that are different from when he was inside the beach house. The wood here made slight creaking noises as he moved upon it. When he was past the last step, he felt the uneven softness of the sand of the beach.

It was a warm night really, and he thought he might as well enjoy himself why he still can. If he can that is. He chose to walk near the shoreline parallel to the waves that are crashing ashore. At the corner of his enticing blue eyes, he watched as the waves rushed close to shore and the top of their waves become a white mass of droplets of water as if trying to grip onto the shoreline. They succeeded briefly, but were forced to let go as they slid off the sand smoothly, revealing a gentle slope of wet sand.

Anyone can find natural peaceful sceneries such as these quite fascinating, he mused as he stopped walking for a short moment as he allowed his attention to wander upon one of the most beautiful work of arts ever to exist upon this world. The moon dipped at the far end of the ocean, but that did not mean that its light failed to shine through and over the ocean. The areas around where the moon is are filled with faint light and the areas further from them are darker in color. Every single thing his eyes touched upon played a part in the whole piece of scenery.

It's just a matter of timing, he thought as he tore his gaze from the breathtaking view of the ocean, night and moon all at the same time. Not every time you stare upon the natural sceneries would you find them beautiful. Timing…. Definitely timing….

He continued his steady stroll on the beach with no hesitations. But at the same time, he didn't really know where he's headed. He just wanted to escape the task of having to try to sleep when he really couldn't. Plus, he enjoyed long walks that allowed him his privacy and peace and a chance to think about this life…reflect upon it. He didn't know how long he was out, but the night seemed as dark as it was since he had woken up to it. It didn't matter to him how long he had been out. There was no overdue work he needed to complete, nothing that would urge him to have to move along as of now.

Further down the beach, he entered into the section of the sand where papers were littered all around. He was a distance away, but he could tell that they were advertisements. As he strode closer, he could now see that the papers were indeed what he had thought of them to be-, advertisements of a concert at the Concert Hall that had recently opened up. He wasn't concerned to have the papers lying on the sand. For some reason, he didn't care and the papers seemed to add an effect on the sloping sand. He made no movement of picking any of the papers up to inspect it, but instead, chose to turn around-, that is until he heard the loud blare of music, shouts, applause and screams from somewhere nearby.

He turned sharply to the direction of the noise and he could see the dark outline of the structure of the Concert Hall against the black background of the dark. Lights from available windows peeked out, casting a dim luminosity over the blackness. The applause had ceased, replaced by silence by the crowd and the shouting into the microphone by perhaps the band members. He listened dimly as one of the band members announced their next song, receiving yet another round of applause. Music started again, and after a minute or so, lyrics began to melt into the watery flow of the music.

He decided to leave now. But he didn't get pass his first few steps and ended up standing with his back against the Concert Hall and his ears straining to hear the lyrics.

/ _Stop making my life a hell,_

_Things aren't going well._

_Let's stand up for our pride,_

_Let's face it, we all have lied /_

Typical band song, he thought with resentment as he got past the first stanza of the song. They sing the same thing over and over, and yet, it seemed that over the years, no one got tired of them. He wasn't any music fan or expert, but he knew enough of how the music was today to judge.

_/ Isolation, suffocation, resignation_

_This fantasy isn't real_

_Isolation, suffocation, resignation_

_As time comes it will slowly heal /_

Will it? He asked silently to no one, but to himself. Are all wounds capable of fully recovering? He cocked his head to one side to get a view of the upper part of his right arm where a scar happened to be. It was hardly noticeable, but if one stared real hard, they may see the faint outline of it. He grimaced as he traced his fingers over the scar, remembering with fine details on how he had received this wonderful souvenir.

_/ Standing in the pouring rain_

_Drowned in the confusion of your pain_

_Wanting the world to go away,_

_Guess what-? It's here to stay! /_

As this part of the lyrics was sung, it seemed to be more distant than the louder beginnings of the song. He was forced to strain a bit more to hear exactly what the words were.

_/ Deceiving, conceiving, I'm bleeding_

_The truth is all out_

_Deceiving, conceiving, I'm bleeding,_

_I want to scream and to shout_

_SCREAMING…. /_

The words faded away as a thirty-second time of music continued as random beatings from the drums accompanied it. He was about to leave when the rest of the song continued.

_/ Running, running, far way_

_Escaping from this world,_

_Going nowhere fast,_

_But I keep on running to avoid my past /_

And how far can we run before all our problems come face to face with us again-, but only this time much worse? He questioned silently.

_/ And it just never stops._

_Deceiving, conceiving, I'm bleeding_

_The truth is all out_

_Deceiving, conceiving, I'm bleeding_

_I want to scream and to shout /_

He stopped listening. He stopped straining himself on trying to catch the distant hum of the words of the song. He could easily guessed from this point of the song, every other word, he had heard. He started back, at the same slow steady place he had maintained throughout this whole walk, but this time, he had a destination he needed to return to. The beach house. He strode past the littered papers on the ground, this time, taking care to catch the name of the band. DED FYSH. He then left without moment of hesitation, but the music from behind trailed after him, repeating itself over and over.

He reached the beach house and found that the night didn't seem any different then it had earlier. It was still dark and it looked as if time hasn't escaped since the moment he was gone. He allowed himself into the wooden house, but made no movement to the room he normally slept in. Instead, he headed towards the large kitchen and headed towards the refrigerator, opening the closed door to be blinded by the white light that came from within the refrigerator. He knew what he was looking for. His hand reached in to clasp around the cold glass bottle of alcohol. He withdrew it and glanced at the golden-wired bottle as if staring at it in a whole new light. There was definitely something about a glass bottle shone through with white light that enticed him.

He shut the refrigerator door with a sudden slam that shook the refrigerator. He took with him the beer bottle and collapsed onto a single seated sofa, where he sat doing nothing for the first few minutes, but stared hard at the golden liquid that swirled in the glass bottle he held. Finally, he removed the cap of his beer bottle and brought the glass opening to his mouth where he allowed the liquid to enter his mouth. He, at first could feel nothing but the acidic burning the drink brought him, and that burning acid feeling died away as it was slowly replaced by a lingering taste of bitterness, and at the back of his throat, he could feel sudden coolness slowly sliding downwards.

He paused as he allowed the first wave of dizziness pass, and then brought the bottle to his mouth again. Like before, he allowed an excessive amount of alcohol enter his mouth, but this time, allowed the bitter drink to slosh in his mouth for a few short seconds before swallowing, taking all the liquid down his throat. For a long moment of silence, he sat drinking, sip-by-sip, with pauses in between.

He didn't know whether he had fallen asleep or not. He didn't know if he had fallen asleep due to the alcohol wearing his mind down or it's high time his body and mind gave itself up to his need to sleep. But then again, if you weren't that stabled, you wouldn't know if you're actually hallucinating or not. He opened his heavily lidded eyes to the sight of nothing but complete darkness. It was that one reassuring glance, he allowed himself to be caught in the spell of his fatigue.

But it wasn't always that easy was it? He never exactly got what he always wanted and he was used to not getting it. Hell, he even lived a life that didn't look as if it even belonged to him. He tensed as he felt a warm hand slid over his left cheek. He could feel the gentle caressing of fingers as they slowly eased the tensed lines he had on his face. He could sense that he was relaxing as the owner's hand continued to stroke his face, that is, until he decided that he was feeling rather uncomfortable and uneasy. He reached up with his own hand, securing it over the wrist of the caresser's hand. He slowly opened his eyes.

Deep, violet eyes met the intensified clear blue ones.

God, he must be seeing things as he felt himself tensed up once more. Her face stared at him with an unreadable expression with worried eyes. Her blonde hair fell over her shoulders and a few particular strands fell onto his face, bringing a tickling sensation over his skin. Her right hand was still poised in the position of stroking his left cheek, but is now trapped within his grip. This is not happening, he thought as he stared at her. She had not spoken a word, but returned his silent stare. He loosened his grip over her wrist and allowed his hand to dropped down by his side. She, at the same time, withdrew her hand and turned away from him.

It was in that moment that his thoughts were confirmed. This wasn't real. All around her were but darkness. There was no ground as he bothered to look downwards for a brief second. As he study his current environment at the corner of his eyes, he could see nothing, but endless darkness that seemed to stretched for infinity.

Even now, she still haven't spoken a word, but stared at his every single movement. Though silence had never bothered him, he decided that this pause of calamity would need an ending as he opened his mouth to speak her name.

"Mai."

At that moment, she twisted away from him and turned. It was as if she suddenly became afraid of him like he was some monster from another planet. He wanted to go after her, to assure her that nothing was wrong. He didn't do any of that, but instead, watched with unwavering attention as she sprinted away-, towards another figure.

Another figure? How could that happen?

Crazy as it may appear, another figure appeared, seemingly molded from the darkness. It was as if someone chose to make a being out of a piece of the black sky and carefully chose a piece that was devoid of stars. At first, the figure stood there like a black statue, but then, the features started appearing. Unruly blonde hair, dark brown eyes, a goofy grin….

Jounouchi.

He stared in the black background as Mai dove towards into his open arms, burying her face into the crook between his head and shoulder. He could see Jounouchi holding onto her securely, glancing at him every now and then as if to check if he was still watching. Just standing there, he wanted to turn away, go away. He felt as if he was interfering something he shouldn't be. But…where was there to go? Everywhere around him were endless folds of darkness. There was nowhere to run…nowhere to go….

He was forced to watch as they broke apart from their embrace and slowly melted away into the darkness. They weren't real…. He watched in mixed fascination, as the darkness seemed to wholeheartedly swallow them up like a wolf having a great feast of a large kill. Part of him wanted to stop them from going and the other part of him seemed mobilized-, unable to move.

At their departure, he was consumed with a sudden jolt of loneliness. There was no other person in here with him. Feelings of all kind rushed as one to him…his mixed feelings about Mai, and the indifferent emotions he holds towards Jounouchi. Maybe not exactly indifferent-, he wouldn't exactly call Jounouchi a 'friend' yet. Yes, they are acquaintances, and that was the level he was willing to keep.

But Mai….

What about her? He loved her didn't he? Wasn't she the first person in his life that he actually cared for-, and at what price? He was willing to give up his life-, sounded foolish didn't it? And yet, it never bothered him that he would have to do something like that. Wasn't he used to not getting what he always wanted? And after the duel with Jounouchi and the interactions he himself had observed first hand, he understood that Mai needed someone like Jounouchi in her life. He was willing to let go…

Yet, even if he was willing to do that, would that erase all the times they were together? Would that erase every moment during the time when he still loved and cared for her? Would it erase everything so he'll be able to deal with this without having to suffer from the torments of his past? She was the first person in his life that he wanted to live his life for…channel his every victory and meaning of existence through…. And it was bad enough that willing to let go was leaving him a souvenir of emptiness and pain.

He didn't allow these thoughts to linger as several new shapes molded from the darkness again. This time, the figures of Raphael and Amelda emerged. His fellow DOOM members.

He hardly had time to stress on what he thought about each of his 'comrades' when their figures were immediately dragged back into the shadows they were created from. Emerging this time were the figures of the goons that he had encountered in the past and the form of Sister Mary. To him now, Sister Mary was too different person. The fake nun who had pretended to care about him and the other Sister Mary-, the person who made the every decision of his life that is, until a few days ago.

Just as soon as that contemplation left his mind, the image of Sister Mary altered into the grinning grotesquely figure of Dartz. He could feel his unclenched hands at his side clenched together in anger. He managed to look away and to the goons that had first went into the church to cause disruption. Back then, he was tempted to pound them into bloody pulp, but was restrained by the peaceful Sister Mary.

Oh, right. He thought with disgusted sarcasm. The very same Sister Mary who's Dartz?

He had thought that the goons were responsible for setting the church on fire. That moment had pushed him too far over the edge and he needed the sweet taste of revenge. He went after them, but only to be blamed for two different crimes he had not committed. The bodies that were left as a result of what happened that night was not his work-, yes, he admit he had attacked them, but their soulless bodies were not the leftover work of his. But what did it matter? They viewed him as an unstable kid who couldn't control himself.

Maybe they were partially correct. He couldn't control himself during that moment, not if you're at the breaking point. And to be blamed for two crimes he himself wasn't even responsible for. Didn't America follow the rule, 'innocent until proven guilty'? Oh, he'll have to check on that one. He was taken to jail for something he didn't do-, charged for manslaughter and arson. Something he did not do….

Yet, as he stared into their faces now, he couldn't find the heart to hate them-, was it because he was simply too exhausted to revisit the past and reflect upon it or was it that he really didn't hate them?

And Dartz. He still stood there, giving one grin that showed the darker side of Dartz. He only used him, manipulated him. He had almost everything-, money, power….

And my life, he thought bitterly, his fists clenched more tightly now. His knuckles were turning white and he could hear his knuckles cracked. I was blind to everything he did. Every step I walked, he paved the road for me-, that is until Yuugi or the Nameless Pharaoh defeated him. Now, I'm left without a paved road, I am free. And yet, I could do nothing about this newfound freedom of mine…. He allowed his thought to go unfinished as he closed his eyes. He didn't feel like reopening them. And yet, he still couldn't focus on what he needed most-, sleep.

It was going to be a long night. And he wasn't going to get some sleep. Not while his mind didn't feel like giving up. Not while it was still fighting ever so simultaneously tonight.

End Notes: Ever so old. It was originally going to be a very long story/novel sort of thing, but I decided to leave it as a one-shot as it is. If you can't guess who 'he' is, I'll beat you over the head with a breadstick. .


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